Goodbye
by blazingfire52
Summary: Elsie reflects on the difficulty of saying goodbye.


**The characters belong to Fellows while this little ramble belongs to me.**

* * *

The sky was dark and gloomy, everybody else had left some time ago now, but she hadn't been paying attention. Her thoughts were running amuck, nothing seemed to make sense. But there was one thought her mind kept coming back to which was that she had gotten used to saying goodbye. Over the years she had said her goodbyes to more people than she could remember. To her family back in Scotland when she had finally left for service. To Joe after she had rejected his offer. And then of course to the various young men and women who had left her charge as they set off to pursue their futures elsewhere. While all of these goodbyes had been difficult, saying goodbye to him, no matter for how short a time, was always so much harder.

* * *

_There were the evenings when parting became almost impossible. They would retire to her sitting room, sipping wine until the early hours of the morning, just trying to make the most of the little time they had together. There would be whispered words of love and chaste kisses that would soon turn passionate and heated. If they where careful they would be able to sneak up to his room or hers, but it wasn't often that they got that chance. So her sitting room became their refuge until finally there exhaustion forced them apart._

_Although it wasn't always that way. She could remember nights when her Scottish temper had been pushed to the limits. Just the thought of saying goodnight to him set her on edge. That man could just be so insufferable some times. But then, when morning came, he would always butter her toast and she would make up his cup of coffee and everything would be back to normal and just how it should be._

_The season was their most hated time of year, especially the first season after they had secretly wed. She knew it was part of their job, but she couldn't help but feel distressed at the prospect of being separated from her husband for such a long time. The letters, of course, where frequent and became her constant companion. She had hoped that she would come to terms with this separation, but each year was just as difficult as the last. Even though she knew it was only temporary she couldn't help but want him home. She would miss him terribly and not just because of his touch and his lips. She would miss the way he would catch her eye over the dinner table, the gentle brush of his hand in the hall, and even the rumbling sound of his voice coming from some far off room in the abbey. Everything seemed to remind her of him. When he finally returned their reunions were heavenly. _

_When it finally came time for their retirement she could easily say she was ready. "No more goodbyes" he had promised as they walked down to their new cottage arm in arm. After so many faithful years of service, this cottage was to be their reward, they would finally have a home of their very own. They were content with this new simple way of living especially after working hard long hours for most of their lives. They also no longer had to hide their marriage or their obvious feelings. They could walk hand in hand in the village and wear their wedding rings with pride. But the best part of it all was waking by his side and falling asleep in his arms every morning and every night. She could honestly say their was no place she would rather be than by his side._

* * *

The rain drops had started to fall but she couldn't bring herself to move. She knew she needed to get out of the rain but she still had one last thing to do. It was the last goodbye she would ever have to give, but it was also the most agonizing. To say it out loud would be to admit the truth and she didn't know if she was up to that just yet. She knelt down on the freshly dug earth and slowly traced her fingers over the name engraved in stone. The pain was overwhelming. It felt as if her heart had been torn in two, as if she where no longer whole but a piece without a purpose. She closed her eyes but the tears still slowly made their way down her face. She took a shaky breath, preparing herself for what was to come.

"Goodbye my love. I hope to see you soon."


End file.
